family

The seton is gone

Suzy Taylor Oakley Crohn's disease, family, health, inspiration, medical

If you haven’t talked to me lately (or you’re not a medical professional), you have no idea what that means.

While trying not to gross out all my readers, I haven’t said too much in blog posts about Bruce’s rear end, but this is what we’ve been dealing with for a year. I have been telling people one-on-one about the most recent manifestation of his Crohn’s disease – the fistula in his bottom, which sent us to the hospital for six days in December, or the third time in 2007.

On Dec. 19, he had surgery on a perianal fistula. The surgeon sliced it open, drained the pus (sorry) and inserted a seton. As if Bruce’s bottom hasn’t been sore enough, this seton (a knotted string) has caused even more pain and trouble during bathroom time – and, of course, during sitting, walking and even sleeping time.

The string was supposed to work its way out naturally as the fistula healed. We have returned for follow-up appointments with the surgeon every 10-14 days. On those visits, the surgeon has added rubber bands to tighten the seton and speed healing. After those visits, the pain is a lot worse for a few days. The last two or three times, the doc has said, “It’ll probably come out before your next visit.” But each time we returned, he kept having to add bands. A month ago, when he added the seventh and eighth rubber bands, he said that was a record. Then two weeks ago, he added two more – 10 rubber bands in all.

This week Bruce could tell he was really close to giving birth to the thing, but it just stubbornly hung on. It must have been like a pregnant woman in her 10th month!

And Friday was the visit at which the doctor was tired of waiting. So he sliced it out of there.

I had to leave the room.

Doc used a numbing agent, but it was very mild and the procedure was still painful. And the numbing agent wore off before we even got home. Bruce was in a lot of pain – and still is, but it is better now that he has rested for a few hours and taken some pain medication, something he would never do before last year. I mean, I couldn’t even get him to take ibuprofen for a sprained ankle. But he has taken his pain meds this year, many times without prompting.

He hurts, people.

But the string is gone, and we’re glad.

We had been joking about getting rid of the “string up his butt,” and for days I had my headline already written – “No strings attached” – but it didn’t seem so funny after I saw him nearly crying yesterday (okay, he actually cried for a few seconds, but I’m not sure he’d want me to tell you).

So, if you read his blog and he writes nobly about how strings up your butt can make you philosophical, believe him.

But also believe me when I tell you that philosophical is not the only thing he has been feeling lately.

And, for those of you who have been asking, we are still waiting to hear whether Monday’s CT scan revealed another fistula. His GI doc is supposed to get the results “in 3-5 business days.”

Your money counts

Suzy Taylor Oakley family, frugal living, inspiration, money, volunteering

The way you handle your day-to-day cash speaks volumes about your money personality. So says this article from bankrate.com. And I agree.

I watch our financial accounts pretty closely. Not in an insecure way (although I’m sure some would argue that point) but in a way that says, “I don’t want this to get out of hand like I’ve seen happen with other people.” I’m a volunteer budget coach with Crown Financial Ministries. I’ve seen all kinds of money behavior, rationalizations and states of denial.

And I read lots and lots of articles on personal finance, debt, the evils of credit cards, you name it.

Being in denial will not help your situation, no matter how bad it is. In my reading, in my conversations with people in debt, and sometimes even in my own situation, I have found that not knowing is worse than knowing – even when the bottom line is lower than you had imagined.

I used to update our Quicken accounts almost daily. But with the busyness of life, that has fallen to the bottom of the priority list lately. And it is uncomfortable knowing the backlog is getting out of hand. When I finally get back to it, the updating can seem overwhelming. So I do what any normal person would do: I procrastinate even more.

But it doesn’t go away just because I ignore it. So when I buckle down and get the records current, it is so freeing. I feel almost euphoric, even when our balances are close to zero! At least I know where we stand.

One of the first things we do in our Crown counseling is encourage the counselees to write down every penny they spend for the next 30 days. Every penny. That requires keeping a little notebook (or a piece of paper) with them at all times. It is a nuisance at first, but it can make a huge difference. One woman I counseled came to our second session with the news that this practice had been revolutionary. “I was skeptical when you told me to do it, but I was amazed at how much I was spending without even realizing it. The little things do add up.”

Yes, it is amazing. When you see it on paper – in black (or red or blue or green) and white, it can be sobering. When you write it down, you are less likely to spend it the next time. My guilty pleasure is a Route 44 diet Coke or a cherry limeade from Sonic – with tax, nearly two bucks. For a while, I was buying one nearly every day. When I started writing it in a notebook, even though I didn’t have to show the notebook to my husband (he wasn’t in the Crown small group with me), I started driving to Sonic less often. It can be embarrassing, but financially empowering, to open your eyes to the areas where you are simply wasting money. It’s not like a diet Coke is good for me, other than as a “comfort food” that lasts only as long as it takes to drink it. Not a lasting treasure.

One Crown seminar leader I know still tracks every penny every day. This is someone who is not in debt. I’ve never asked him whether he keeps this up because 1) he feels a responsibility to practice what he preaches, 2) he thinks he will slip up and fall into debt if he doesn’t or 3) he is anal-retentive. The answer may be some combination of the three. Nevertheless, Dave has demonstrated that keeping tabs on his spending is a big key to financial freedom.

Contrary to what a lot of people believe, it’s not the amount of money you earn, it’s the amount you spend that determines whether you are in financial bondage or freedom. People who make tens – even hundreds – of thousands of dollars a year can be just as in-deep-doodoo as those of us with much lower salaries. And many “poor” people experience a freedom that some “rich” folks can only dream of.

Crown seminar instructors are not millionaires. In fact, I don’t know any Crownies who are. Crown co-founder Howard Dayton, who stepped down as CEO a few months ago, didn’t take a paycheck as the ministry’s leader. He isn’t “in it for the money,” as they say. His aim is to lead people to fullness in Christ through understanding the importance of putting their treasures in the right place.

The way to do that is to focus on what’s truly important in life, and it isn’t our money. Money is a tool for right living, not the key to happiness. Many people misquote the Bible, thinking it says money is the root of all evil. The verse actually says the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. The love of it, not the money itself. 1 Timothy 6:10

How we handle it is the thing. How we abuse it, misuse it, misunderstand its purpose and deny our situation is how we get into trouble.

Proverbs 22:7 is my favorite memory verse from the Crown Life Group Study: “Just as the rich rule the poor, so the borrower is servant to the lender.” I have thought about getting it printed on my checks as a reminder.

Because we all need reminders.

Visit Crown.org to find:
Information about a Life Group Study.
A Money Map coach (budget coach) – online or in person.
Calculators for getting a handle on your finances.
Financial forms, pamphlets and articles.

By the way, can you guess my money personality? Tell me yours.

CT scan

Suzy Taylor Oakley Crohn's disease, family, health, inspiration, medical

Bruce will have a CT scan Monday afternoon. We are to be at the hospital by 1:15. Please pray for him.

He has had a sore, swollen area on his hip for several weeks that he keeps mentioning to the doctors, and they simply say it “didn’t show up on the scan.”

But that was two months ago, and the area on his hip is troublesome. He is still trying to heal from the fistula they did surgery on in December, and this other problem could be another fistula. It also could be a pulled muscle. Without getting too graphic, I’ll just say that he has such a sore bottom that when he sits on the potty (which is fairly often), he tenses up to 1) make everything “come out ok” and 2) keep the pain to a minimum, so he possibly has strained a muscle in that area.

So he mentions it every time he has an appointment with the doctor-of-the-week, and they usually tell him nothing showed up on the CT scan. But it has been worrisome for far too long, so today the GI doc scheduled a scan.

Even if it turns up nothing, at least they can tell us it isn’t another fistula.

If you click through to the Crohn’s & Colitis site, you’ll have to scroll a bit to find the explanation of fistulae. They are found mostly in the intestinal tract, but one doc said he had seen them as far down as the thigh.

A fistula is evil and scary. Please pray that this is a muscle thing, not a waste-tunnel thing.

The high costs of eating meat

Suzy Taylor Oakley family, food, frugal living, inspiration, money, nature

I’m not a vegetarian, and neither is the writer of this New York Times article, but it will make you think about what our nation’s out-of-control meat consumption is doing to our planet – and our bodies:

Rethinking the Meat-Guzzler, Jan. 27, 2008

Coincidentally: One of the pictures on the page — I almost didn’t notice it! — is of cattle at Harris Ranch in tiny Coalinga, Calif. One of my relatives used to work in the restaurant or gift shop at Harris Ranch, and my brother and I were born in Coalinga. Just some trivia for you.

Gotta blog

Suzy Taylor Oakley family, fun, geekiness, humor, inspiration

Sometimes you gotta blog because … well, just cuz.

Because it’s fun, and a way to express yourself, release tension, get some of those random thoughts out of your head … just cuz.

In WordPress, you can check your blog stats and see how many people have checked you out.

My “Best Day Ever” was Nov. 29 — the day after my birthday — with 66 views. Wow, my readership must have been touched by my homemade-flower picture and the heartwarming story of my loving husband’s selfless gift.

Imagine my disappointment the day I discovered that my blog had been accessed by something like 1,300 people in the few weeks I had been posting.

Yes, disappointment.

I know I don’t have that many friends, I told Bruce. They must have told their friends. People are Googling me and clicking on my blog! I’m well-known in the blogosphere!

And my ever-supportive husband was there for me once again. He reminded me that the world contains all sorts of people … spammers, hackers, geeks — all kinds of greedy entrepreneurs who trawl cyberspace for e-mail addresses, personal information, any tidbit they can use to make money.

And those spammers were probably responsible for most of the 1,300 hits.

Darn.

Of course I knew that. But before he brought me back to earth, I had been queen for a moment.

I’ve never been popular, and usually it doesn’t bother me.

But I do want to be liked. And I like knowing that my friends and loved ones read my blog, enjoy it and occasionally get a chuckle from it.

In my dreams — some of them, at least — I’m hilarious, the life of the party, unself-conscious, witty, charismatic, beautiful. (In my other dreams I’m a world-class pianist who can tear up a keyboard like nobody’s business.)

In the blogging world, I tend to take on the tone and language of whomever I read last or have been thinking about (even those who go weeks without posting!). I have a couple of hilarious blogging friends. When I read their posts, I get hip, talk cool and know all the latest pop culture references. In those moments, I am queen of the blogosphere.

Dream on.

In the real world, I’m just a regular gal, and that works for me most of the time.

Gotta blog? Post your comments below.

My clean-shaven hubby

Suzy Taylor Oakley family, geekiness, inspiration

Bruce and I are having a lot of fun with his new blog (and my nearly new blog). It has given us another thing in common. For years, one of our more frequent topics of conversation has been computers. We’re both kinda techy-geeky.

He has more knowledge of the underbelly than I do, but I’m the one with the most software and the newest computer (because I have freelanced for so long and have had to adapt to different scenarios).

I have lots of pix of him in my iPhoto library, so he had to ask me for one for his About Me page. He didn’t like the one I chose (he doesn’t like the clean-shaven look), so I told him I was going to post it on my blog. He said that was fine, but he did not want to use it as the one that would stay on his site in perpetuity.

I have to admit that on the rare occasion that he shaves his entire face, it takes me two or three days to get used to it, but it’s my favorite look. His best feature is his smile, and I can see it better without all those whiskers!

So, as lame as it is to write a post just to show you this picture, that’s what I’m doin’. Most people don’t get to see his whole adorable face! So …

Here he is … my clean-shaven Brucie. Ain’t he cute?

clean-shaven Bruce

Trying out a new theme

Suzy Taylor Oakley family, geekiness, inspiration

Time to play with backgrounds and fonts. Tell me what you think about this theme. Besides the fact that blue is my favorite color, I just like the name of this one — Sapphire.

Until I have time to learn the intricacies of CSS, I will live within the boundaries of the themes coded by more serious geeks — no customization for a while. Someday I’ll create my own. Meanwhile, tell me what you like or don’t like about this set-up. (My first thought is, this one tells the date I posted but not the time. Don’t like that, for sure. Only because I’m obsessive about details. No comments from you, D.J.!)

Post your comments below.

Suzy

P.S. My honey finally started a blog. See Brulog in blogroll at right, or click here. His first topic is a good one. You’ll see. 🙂

It's a dog's life

Suzy Taylor Oakley dogs, family, inspiration, nature

When I created this blog in October, my dogs were part of the inspiration for the title — along with the spice cookies I was baking that night.

Salsa, who came along first, is our bigger dog (14 pounds). Pepper, who came a few months later and was already named (we were her third human family) is our itty bitty teeny tiny dog (4 to 5 pounds, depending on how many times she has suckered me for treats that month). Their names went so well together, and Salsa is so hyper (she’s a terrier — Manchester, we think), The Spice Dogs just seemed to fit.

I have a post-in-progress called “To all the dogs I’ve loved before,” but it will be a two-parter and for posting when I have time to give each dog its due, and to scan and upload the pictures. I started out talking about dogs my family had when I was a baby (or when my mom was pregnant — I’m not sure which) and am working my way up to our Spice Dogs.

Which makes this post kind of stupid. I’m writing about what I’m going to post “someday when I have time.”

But I haven’t posted in a week, and our dogs are hilarious (to us at least), so I just had to mention them today. After all, they are most of the reason this blog is named Suzy & Spice. They do add spice to our lives (more than we want sometimes).

So, to whet your appetite, here is a picture of Pepper (or, more accurately, Pepper’s butt), who has taken to sleeping under her bed instead of in it — apparently she’s warmer there. She is a burrower, and since Bruce has been sick we’ve been trying to get her not to burrow under our covers so much. So we keep her bed on top of our bed.

peppers_butt_400x281.jpg

BTW, she’s a min Pin, and that little stubby thing is her tail (you can barely see it). Her pencil-thin legs are to the right.

She’s weird, but she’s ours.

10 years of wedded bliss (ok, maybe not bliss every minute — but bliss now)

Suzy Taylor Oakley family, food, frugal living, inspiration, money

wedding_kiss_010398

Ten years ago today, Bruce made me his bride, and we have had very few dull moments. It’s kind of strange, but the last year or so has seemed like history repeating itself …

We had a small wedding planned for Jan. 3, 1998 — just family (including the justice of the peace, who was my brother’s father-in-law) and two good friends (my matron of honor and our photographer, Barney, who didn’t charge us for any of it). My brother’s house, complete with Christmas tree, fireplace and white poinsettias, provided the cozy setting.

I had never dreamed of a big wedding, even when I was a girl, so the preparations didn’t cause a lot of stress. We spent less than $1,000 on everything — rings, dress, veil, suit, license, flowers, cake. My mom handled the flowers and the cake (both provided by friends), and even the punch — she suggested raspberry, and I said OK even though I didn’t care for raspberry. I just wanted things to be as simple as possible.

Things were sailing along, only 11 days to go. Then I got a call at work — the afternoon of Dec. 23 — about my dad.

We got to the hospital five hours before he died, but he was really already gone before we arrived.

Christmas was never going to be the same.

And the wedding? My brother gave me away. I walked on the wrong side of him. I barely remember the ceremony. I couldn’t tell you what the cake looked like. I was numb.

That was 10 years ago today.

Nine years ago, a couple of weeks before our first anniversary, Bruce spent 16 days (including Christmas) in the hospital. They diagnosed him with Crohn’s disease.

He came home with an IV needle in his chest. By our one-year anniversary, I had learned how to hook up the battery-powered pump that fed him via total parenteral nutrition (TPN). By Feb. 1, he had graduated to baby food. By March 1, he was back at work full time. He had another hospital stay in early 2004, and he recovered more quickly that time. But his little body would never be the same.

Fast forward to Dec. 3, 2006. We lost Bruce’s dad, an Army Air Corps veteran who had served his country honorably as a young man but could not beat Alzheimer’s in his 80s. We went to California and buried him in a national military cemetery on Dec. 7, the anniversary of Pearl Harbor.

After that, Bruce was ready to forgo Decembers for a while.

In early 2007, my sweetie began getting sick again. For most of the year, he battled the Crohn’s. He was in the hospital in late May, again in late June/early July … and in December.

Over the past year, we haven’t celebrated birthdays, anniversaries or holidays the same way as usual. In fact, we’re no longer sure what usual is.

I have a new job that — along with battling the disability insurance people, caring for a sick husband and just trying to get through the holidays with a bit of sanity — has again made me numb on many days.

But Bruce and I have never been closer. Having never walked in his shoes, I cannot say that his illness has been a good thing, but I see aspects of it as blessings in disguise. We’ve spent more time together this year than ever, and our appreciation of each other has grown. We have battled common enemies (illness, bureaucracy, financial hardship, dog poop), and we have grown extremely close.

Tonight I came home from work, apologized for not buying him a gift — or even a card — received his apology, and drove to Burger King for a buy-one-get-one-free deal that we had a coupon for. Our 10th anniversary is a big deal, but failing to buy each other gifts or dine out — no big deal. We ate the burgers, then crawled into bed to watch holiday bowl games, content just to be together.

It sure beats hospital food.

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Bruce is taller than he looks here. He is slumping to show off where I “marked” him.

P.S. Happy birthday, Judy.