accountability

Gut reaction

Suzy Taylor Oakley accountability, fitness, food, giving thanks, God, health, inspiration, running

“And Nehemiah continued, ‘Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!’ ” (Nehemiah 8:10, New Living Translation).

I was preparing to write today’s post on Nehemiah 5-9 for my church’s Connect+Scripture blog when that verse hit me between the eyes – or should I say punched me in the gut. (My gut is the part of my anatomy that comes to mind when I read it.)

The occasion in Nehemiah was a celebration of the rebuilding of the wall around Jerusalem, which had been torn down when the Temple of God was destroyed and the Israelites were taken captive to Babylon decades earlier.

Now the Temple had been restored, the wall had been rebuilt and generations of exiles had returned home.

It was a time of celebration!

Why did Nehemiah 8:10 speak to me with such force? After reading of all that the great leader Nehemiah had done to help the Israelites restore the city wall (he organized, planned, inspired, admonished and defended, demonstrating not only his leadership skills but his great love of the God for whom the Temple was built), I noticed in particular the phrase, “Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks.”

We have become ashamed of eating.

In our overweight, self-indulgent, image-obsessed, dying-to-be-thin, dying-because-we’re-fat, out-of-control society, we have lost the pure pleasure of eating in celebration of what’s good. Oh, sure, some of us can enjoy ourselves temporarily, while we’re feasting, but how many of us can say we are left with not one ounce of guilt afterward?

I’m not talking about gluttony, but of the pure, true enjoyment (in moderation) of well-prepared food and the fellowship that almost always makes it taste better.

I am not immune to the contradictions. I have found myself smack dab in the middle of the tug of war: One minute I’m an epicure, a glutton; the next, an ascetic who worships at the altar of self-denial. The accompanying emotions might battle it out for space in my brain at any given time.

No wonder the world is crazy; most of us can’t decide whether the piece of cake we’re contemplating should be angel’s food (fat free, and therefore “virtuous”) or devil’s food (chocolate, and therefore “sinful”). We’ve even created a moral vocabulary for our food insanity: “sinfully delicious,” “those evil brownies,” “She’s thin; we hate her.”

We have gotten so off track we can’t enjoy a piece of chocolate without feeling guilty. And I’m here to tell you, I believe chocolate is one of God’s greatest gifts (I secretly believe and fervently hope there will be chocolate in heaven).

I believe it’s time we got healthy – in our minds, our hearts and our vocabularies (our bodies will follow). In Bible times, God ordained times of celebration (and rich foods) for his children.

I am one of those children, and I’m on a journey to wholeness. It’s a lifelong journey, but it includes appreciating good food, eating it in moderation, being thankful for where it came from, sharing it with those less fortunate and letting it nourish my body (and soul) – one delicious bite at a time.

“So the people went away to eat and drink at a festive meal, to share gifts of food, and to celebrate with great joy because they had heard God’s words and understood them” (Nehemiah 8:12, NLT).

A good week

Suzy Taylor Oakley accountability, Crohn's disease, fitness, friends, health, inspiration, medical, running, work

So many things to tell:

  • Saturday morning, I get to have coffee! It’s the first Saturday morning coffee I’ll have been able to drink since the running clinic began in February. Why can’t I drink coffee before running? It’s the pee factor. I mentioned it in an earlier post, and I’m not gonna tell you again. (You’re welcome.)
  • My employer is open to the idea of a healthy-workplace initiative! We met Monday morning, and he started telling me some of the things we’ll implement (such as putting fresh fruit in the main break room in addition to the Friday morning doughnuts, all courtesy of the bank). I’ve done lots of reading on the initiatives in other workplaces, and it has got me excited all over again! I had no idea there was so much information out there, much of it from folks who are doing it right.
  • The reason I get to drink coffee tomorrow morning is the same reason I can’t run the local 5K that all my women-running (running-women?) friends – and some male friends – will be participating in: It’s these darned crutches and “the boot.” I should be rid of them soon, but I’m trying not to overdo. And running another race this soon would certainly fall into the category of overdoing. And I never overdo – just ask Bruce. (On second thought, don’t.)
  • We have the Crohn’s fundraising walk in Little Rock on Saturday evening (yes, evening. Why evening? I have no idea). Click here to donate to our team (Team Taylor Trotters) if you have a spare dollar or two. Any amount will be appreciated.
  • I plan to watch a lot of Food Network tomorrow morning, too – until I have to go gas up the car and run a few errands before we leave for LR.
  • Today was the second week of our second round of Biggest Loser at work. I lost a pound. I wonder how the other ladies did. Great, I hope. I made myself a spreadsheet and projected out several weeks – even beyond the BL challenges – to see how long it should take me to reach my goal. I’ll share more about that later. BUT I’m only 7.6 pounds from my next reward: summer sandals. And I will have the ER doctor’s endorsement of the kind I want – a cute pair of wedges, perhaps espadrilles, which have come back around in style (I know, it’s shocking that I would mention wanting to buy something that’s in style in the same decade that it’s actually in style). Anyway, Doc told me to wear high heels to help my plantar fasciitis. Go figure.

It’s bedtime, so that’s all the happiness I can talk about for now. More later. Gotta get up early and drink that big cup of coffee!

 

Welcome, race fans

Suzy Taylor Oakley accountability, fitness, friends, health, inspiration, running, sports

What an eventful day.

It started with a 3:45 a.m. wakeup before even the sun was up (I was actually awake long before the alarm came on – not because I was excited about the race but because I wake up every morning between 3 and 4 – darn hormones!).

Today was the Women Run Arkansas clinic’s graduation event in Conway – our 5K race. It was the culmination of 10 weeks of training – in the rain, the cold, the heat, the sunshine, all kinds of weather, all kinds of fitness levels, all kinds of women. Women from a wide range of ages, professions, personalities and philosophies. Women who made me smile, laugh, work harder and push myself farther than I thought I could go in 10 weeks.

Out of the 1,925 women registered for today’s race, the Batesville contingent showed up in force – all 65 of us – our bright orange race shirts blazing a trail to the finish line. That 65 didn’t include the half-dozen men who came to support us – our coaches and spouses, all sporting bright orange shirts of their own.

When you get that many women together, the excitement is palpable (if you’ve done Race for the Cure you know what I’m talking about). It starts for the individual before she even arrives at the race site and doesn’t fade until, oh, maybe the next day. I’m exhausted but still pumped up about this day in my personal history.

I had done this clinic 10 years ago in Sherwood, but I don’t remember making friends with the other women as I’ve done this time. Nothing against Sherwood – we had awesome leaders and participants there, too – but there has just been something about this group of Batesville women that will leave a lifelong impression on me.

We have each other’s backs.

I need to check the official results once they’re posted, but Amber from our group was able to holler out my finish time when the results were printed and taped to the white van: 35:32. I think I had told Bruce I wanted to finish in “under 40” (I always have to ask him what I said – I can never remember, plus he’s my stats guy). I finished 402nd overall.

I have to give a shout-out to Maggie, who helped me finish the last 10th of a mile or so, UPHILL (if you don’t think .1 miles is a big deal, even on a flat surface, get out of your car and jog it sometime – when you’re already out of breath). And, by the way, I have a long list of Things that Should be Illegal, and making the last part of a race – of any distance – UPHILL has moved to No. 1 on the list.

Thursday night at our Batesville pasta party we saw a video featuring a young woman who ran a marathon, smiling all the way (she must have been insane). Her mantra was “I love hills …  I love hills.” And that crazy chick was still smiling when she got to the finish line! Do you know how long a marathon is? It’s 26.2 miles, honey. And this woman smiled the whole way!

But back to me.

When Maggie jogged back to take me in to the finish line, I breathlessly told her, “Tell me I love hills.”

“You love hills,” she said.

Now, I don’t remember this next part, but Jessica told me about it later, because she apparently was nearby when it happened, and it amused her.

After Maggie said to me, “You love hills,” I screamed, with my second-to-last ounce of strength: “KEEP SAYING IT!”

Jessica said it cracked her up. I don’t remember it, but it sounds like me.

As I’ve said to many people in the past couple of weeks, most of the trick with running is above the shoulders. Attitude is 99 percent of it (and a good bra helps, too). I have to tell my brain things it doesn’t really believe, such as “I love hills.” And when I don’t have enough oxygen to speak it myself (because it has to be said out loud), I have the Maggies and Janies and Jessicas and Jennifers and Ambers and Suzannes and Phyllises and Lisas and Theresas and Catinas to say it to me. What cheerleaders we have in this group!

I am happy to say that a bunch of us are going to continue our routine – to keep the fitness mojo going. Bruce is going to coach us, and we start Tuesday night at the cemetery (!), just as though the clinic had not ended.

I say “we,” but that leads me to the next part of the story. Here’s me tonight, a few hours after hobbling off the racecourse (note the concern in Salsa’s wagging tail):

This evening my mom talked me into going to the ER (after I called to ask if she still had my Papa’s crutches).

Apparently it’s not a stress fracture but merely a severe case of plantar fasciitis. I had been feeling the pain in both feet all week, but especially the left one and especially right before the race. I managed to run the race, but as soon as I crossed the finish line I started limping (kinda makes ya wonder how I could even finish the race, doesn’t it?).

By the time we got out of the car in Searcy to have lunch, I was hobbling to the sandwich shop. Which kinda hints at plantar fasciitis, because that condition is worse after you’ve been off the foot for a while (many people have their worst pain first thing in the morning).

This is a recurrence of a problem I had 10 years ago (last time I did the clinic), but never did it get this severe.

When the ER nurse asked me my pain level on a scale of 1-10 and I had to stop and think, Bruce said, “Remember you crawled down the hallway on your hands and knees this afternoon.” Good point. Pain level: 10.5.

So the ER doc put me in a walking boot and sent me home with crutches and a prescription for ibuprofen. I’ll be in the boot for 7-10 days, and I hope to be back on the running circuit in a couple of weeks. (I’m going to play it by ear.)

So, ladies of the Batesville clinic, if you’re reading this, know that you may see me Tuesday night, but instead of having my running shoes and my sports watch, I’ll be sporting an ugly boot and carrying a book. I may sit by the duck pond and read while you guys sweat along with Coach Bruce. And know this: Because I, too, am insane, I will wish I were taking every step with you.

I love you guys!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, LADIES!

I’m such a loser!

Suzy Taylor Oakley accountability, fitness, health, inspiration, running

After our final Biggest Loser weigh-in this morning at work, we losers received this e-mail:

“We have a winner! Congrats to Suzy for a wonderful 5.52% weight loss! Request for another 12 weeks has been made. If you are interested, please let me know.”

After spending a few seconds basking in the glow of my loss-win, I e-mailed back and said I was “in” for the next go-round (and apparently so did all the other participants). Our leader said this morning’s results would be our baseline for the next 12 weeks, and instead of a $2 entry fee, it would be $5. Sweet! So I went to collect my $18 in winnings for the first victory and handed her a $5 bill out of the envelope.

If you’ve been reading Suzy & Spice for the past few weeks, you know I didn’t enter the contest to win a few bucks; I entered because I needed the accountability and motivation that had been so lacking in my efforts to that point.

About a month ago (two-thirds of the way into our BL contest), I finally got the mojo. At that point, I began thinking like a winner. I knew I was going to be victorious, even if someone else won the contest (success doesn’t always mean coming in first). And I’d like to point out something I had forgotten until I started looking at my stats this morning: I didn’t hear about the contest until Day 5, so the other participants had nearly a week’s head start on me. No matter; I was destined to be on this journey to fitness, so here I am, 11.4 pounds lighter (today’s weight: 195) and determined to keep going.

And if you read my April 13 post, you know I had a big idea that sort of sprang from that: to propose a healthy-workplace initiative to the CEO of my company. I e-mailed him this morning, asked him to read the 4/13 post and give me the opportunity to pitch him the idea. He graciously agreed and told me to get with his assistant and make an appointment for next week. I’m meeting with him Monday morning!

Also giving me the impetus to pitch the idea to my CEO was last night’s appearance by Mayor Rick Elumbaugh at the local Women Run Arkansas pre-race pasta party (our “graduation” is tomorrow morning – a 5k race in Conway – and 65 women from the Batesville clinic are registered!).

Mayor Elumbaugh spoke about many things, including the Growing Healthy Communities initiative that Batesville became a part of in 2010, and his 2009 heart attack.

He was and is a runner, very fit in general. His health scare wasn’t because of obesity but because of high cholesterol. He urged every attendee last night to find out his or her total cholesterol (both HDL and LDL, or what Drs. Roizen and Oz call “Healthy” and “Lousy” cholesterol in their excellent and motivating book YOU: On a Diet).

I wish I had taken notes last night, because the mayor had so many good things to say, but I definitely will be seeking an audience with him or his staff next week, even if my meeting with Mr. CEO doesn’t go as I expect it to. If I am not able to spark a fire at work, I at least want to be involved in the healthy-community initiative and, more to the point, a healthy-family initiative.

(Don’t worry, Mom, I’m not going to try to round up all the relatives and make them start exercising and eating better. I’m just talking about my immediate household: my sweetie and me.)

Here’s where you, my dear friends, come in. At the end of the April 13 post, I solicited healthy-workplace ideas but received no suggestions. This time it is closer to becoming an actual thing – still just an idea in my tiny little brain, but a step in the right direction. So I will need everyone’s help in figuring out how to make this go. It will be a big project. I would welcome your thoughts and, as always, your prayers.

This is a big idea, and I may get shot down before it goes anywhere, but I have always believed this:

ONE PERSON CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Please post comments with your ideas and information (send Web addresses if you have them).

Are runners crazy?

Suzy Taylor Oakley accountability, fitness, health, inspiration, running

Don’t tell my mother (Mom, stop reading right here; turn on the TV and find a Cardinals game or something), but we ran during the thunder and impending storms this evening.

No one saw lightning, but our Intermediate Runners coach heard thunder before we started.

“I don’t want to be paranoid, but I don’t want to be stupid, either,” Coach said. So instead of running the entire 5K course, we ran just 2 miles.

I told him I’d rather be considered paranoid than get struck by lightning. Nevertheless, I ran right along with the rest of the crazy people. I needed it (I ate too many Baked Cheetos today).

By the time we finished, it had started to sprinkle, so it was a good thing we exercised caution along with our calf muscles. We still didn’t see lightning, though; I think it was a ways off.

But a normal person would have gone straight home and turned on the local weather. Which is exactly what I did – after we ran. Under the thunder clouds.

And who am I kidding? My mother isn’t watching the Cardinals; she’s watching Ned, Todd and Barry on Channel 7 – the same weather guys I’m listening to as I write. But it’s a good thing I get UACCB alerts – I just got a text saying we’re under a tornado warning, but I didn’t hear the KATV guys say that (Ned, you have to speak louder when I’m typing!).

Are runners crazy?

Yeah, just a little bit.

I was just kidding

Suzy Taylor Oakley accountability, books, fitness, food, health, inspiration, reading, running

A couple of weeks ago when I said I was going to blog daily about my fitness journey, I didn’t really mean it.

I did mean it, really, but now I realize how boring it will be to everyone – including me – if that’s all I ever talk about. I still want to try to write at least a little something each day, but I won’t continue to bore you to tears about how much I’ve eaten, how fast (or slowly) I ran or how much I weigh.

I am not giving up those things – I’m just giving us a break from it for a little while. That starts tomorrow. Tonight I’m going to do what I said I was going to do, and that’s to tell you what I ate today, because I weigh in tomorrow morning.

Breakfast:

  • Coffee with fat-free hazelnut creamer.
  • Bran flakes with skim milk.

Midmorning:

  • Black cherry “energy drink” mix (the powder stuff in the little packet that you pour into a bottle of water).
  • Banana.

Lunch (with Kristi, at Morningside Coffee House):

  • Veg Head Sandwich (veggies, pepper jack cheese, hummus, alfalfa sprouts on focaccia bread – yum!).
  • Unsweetened tea.

Midafternoon:

  • Coffee with hazelnut creamer (even though I usually don’t drink anything in the afternoons before I run, I was soooo sleepy after lunch and decided to risk the consequences of drinking coffee).
  • 1 piece of Werther’s Original coffee-flavored hard candy (a recently discovered special treat).

Dinner:

  • After the running clinic, Bruce and I went to Sonic. I debated between the grilled chicken wrap (my usual) and the sausage breakfast burrito. The burrito won. We got home, I took one bite and said, “Oh, shoot, I have to write this in my blog!” Bruce was amused.

I do need to continue reporting my daily food intake until it becomes such a habit for me to make the healthy choice. I know we will all be bored to tears before that day comes, but I hope you’ll bear with me.

I promise I will write about more interesting things. I have lots of topics in mind. But for now, I gotta get that first 10 pounds off. Which reminds me … I set a couple of goals this week, for my 10- and 20-pound milestones.

  1. When I’ve lost 10 pounds, I get to buy myself a book.
  2. When I’ve lost 20 pounds, I get a pair of summer sandals. I’m thinking those platform shoes that are fashionable now. This in itself is a milestone; I typically join up with the fashion world about the time the latest thing has faded into the sunset. But I don’t hate those shoes; in fact, I’ve seen some really cute pairs. I told Bruce that if I make that my 20-pound goal, I will hurry to reach it because I don’t want summer to be over before I can wear the shoes.

That’s as far as I’ve gotten on the goals. Once I reach the first one, I’ll set the next one. Here’s the catch: I’ve been up and down so much, losing 2 pounds and gaining 1, losing 1 pound and gaining 2, that I have to maintain the particular goal weight for a week before it’s official (and before I get my reward). That oughta keep me motivated.

So there you have it. I’ll let you know tomorrow night how I did on the scale at work in the morning.

Share your tips with me by posting a comment.

Holding steady

Suzy Taylor Oakley accountability, fitness, food, health, inspiration, running

Today was another birthday celebration at work. Why we had another, separate one after having the big April blowout two weeks ago is beyond me, but at least there was less food this time. A little less.

I had forgotten about the e-mail that went out yesterday (“Tomorrow is Stephanie’s birthday. We’re getting a cake. If anyone wants to bring other snacks …”), so I walked in unawares this morning. The snacks immediately tried to strike up a conversation: Surprise! Lots of food here! Calling your name! Your specific name, specifically and loudly!

But I was strong. I went straight through the department, past The Cake, the tortilla chips, cheese dip, salsa (at least it wasn’t Karen’s homemade salsa this time), the brownie bites and on and on … and into my office. I turned on my computer while telling myself and my officemate, “I’m not going to eat any of that today, especially after all I ate two weeks ago.”

Then I went back out to go to the bathroom. More food had appeared. That’s when I saw (cue the Jaws music, or the Psycho music) … the fudge-filled Oreos.

I had never seen, much less tasted, a fudge-filled Oreo. And, oh, if you knew how much I loooove Oreos. Well, you can probably imagine. And these were FILLED WITH FUDGE. Fudge. Filled. Oreos.

But I walked past them and never looked back (well, I think I looked, maybe one more time, at the Oreos – in their lovely little blue package. Filled with fudge). I used the facilities, returned to my office and ignored the junk food – all day.

Aren’t we proud of me?

Here’s what I did eat today:

Breakfast:

  • Coffee with fat-free hazelnut creamer.
  • Bran flakes with skim milk.

Midmorning:

  • Another cup of coffee at work, with hazelnut creamer (has fat – I’m still trying to teach my errand boy [Bruce] how to read nutrition labels – he saw “no saturated fat” and thought it meant “no fat at all”; the skinny boy is new at this).
  • 1 large grapefruit.

Lunch:

  • Sonic grilled chicken wrap and Route 44 unsweetened tea. (I finally made it to the grocery store at lunch, plus I didn’t have time to make a sandwich this morning, hence the drive-through lunch again.)

Midafternoon:

  • 1.4 ounces Hershey’s Extra Dark chocolate. (Who needs a stinkin’ fudge-filled Oreo when you’ve got extra-dark chocolate? Not me!)

Dinner:

  • Turkey sandwich with low-fat cheese, spicy mustard, pickles and red onion.
  • Green tea with lemon and a bit of apple cider vinegar (story for another post).

At 12:30 p.m., about an hour before I left for my lunch break, I wrote this: “IT’S OK TO BE HUNGRY!” This was in response to the bounty of junk food outside my door and to the rumbly in my tumbly (as Tigger would say). But I didn’t give in.

The trick, I have discovered over the years – even though I haven’t been successful at convincing my stomach of it – is that it’s all in your head. Well, it’s mostly in your head. Hunger pangs are often legitimate, but much of the time, for a food addict, they are a figment of the imagination. That’s one reason I think diet drugs will never be successful. For many of us, we don’t eat because we’re hungry; we eat to fill another kind of void: loneliness, sadness, anger, fatigue, depression – a hole that only God can fill.

Tomorrow I will run for the first time in nine days. For various reasons (fighting off the insanity pod being one of them), I haven’t been with the running clinic since last Tuesday. I look forward to being out there tomorrow, humidity pods aside (Oh, Lord, can’t you just put the humidity pods aside this summer?).

Did I just say I’m looking forward to running in the humidity tomorrow? This, in itself, is a sign of insanity.

Hey, chefs: Do you have a good recipe that disguises the taste of cooked spinach? If so, please share.

2 steps forward, 1 step back

Suzy Taylor Oakley accountability, fitness, health, inspiration

I have been busy lately, but less busy than a week ago. I have been stressed lately, but less stressed than a week ago. (Praise God.) Still, the schedule is busier than I would like.

School was effectively over for me last night after I made my oral presentation (with PowerPoint), a culmination of the paper I’ve been writing all semester and turning in 8-10 pages at a time. We still have one class period to go, but the hard work is over. And I don’t have to take my final(!) because I have an A average and he will use my lowest test score (96) in place of the final.

I’m still in recovery from the insanity pod that was noshing on my brain last week. That’s why today wasn’t so successful, foodwise, and how I now know for sure that I must tell you what I eat – every day – or the wheels will come off the bus. The train will jump the tracks. I will “jump the shark.” (If you don’t get that last one, you don’t watch enough 1970s TV. And it really doesn’t apply directly to this conversation; I just like the phrase. And for once I did not make it up. Click here for its origin.)

You may become bored reading my food diary every day (and I’m sure I’ll get bored reporting it), but in reading my “Going public” post of April 5, you became my accountability partner. (Didn’t you know that?) And I think reporting my food is going to be more important than reporting my weight, which this morning was 196 (or 198 on an accurate scale). That’s a half-pound up from yesterday. I’m not too worried about that because of the fluctuations that can occur regardless of what I eat. Nevertheless, I will be reporting my food from now on.

Here’s what I ate today:

Breakfast:

  • Coffee with fat-free hazelnut creamer (same as usual)
  • Bran flakes with skim milk (same as usual)

Midmorning snack:

  • Baked Cheetos (I’m out of almonds at work)
  • Passion-fruit tea

Lunch:

  • Burger, fries and Coke (not my usual iced tea, not even diet Coke but regular Coke)

Dinner:

  • One piece of Bruce’s leftover meat lovers pizza, cold (Mom had ordered the pizza during a recent fundraising drive at work, it was delivered today, and she gave it to Bruce)
  • Three-fourths of the egg salad sandwich that I forgot to take to work
  • Water

Not terrible, in the grand scheme of things, but forgetting my sandwich is what sidetracked me today; at lunch I was in a hurry and just drove through Wendy’s instead of coming home to get my sandwich. I also had been planning to go to the grocery store at lunch (where almonds were on my list), but after pointing the car in that direction I decided to go to the park, sit in my car and read. So my little red Honda turned around and headed the other direction.

The insanity pod is losing its grip on my gray matter, but I feel as though I’m coming off a severe case of bronchitis, or the flu, or some debilitating illness from which it takes a bit of time before you feel your old self again.

And in the interests of rest and more reading pleasure, I’m going to sign off, crawl under the covers with my furbabies and read.

Please share your thoughts with me today. How do you overcome times of “weakness” regarding food choices?

 

The slow train to sanity – or is it a runaway train?

Suzy Taylor Oakley accountability, family, friends, God, inspiration, reaching out, reading, religion

Friends, you don’t know how hard it is for me to be sitting here writing this rather than strapping on my seatbelt and pointing the car back toward North Little Rock. It’s 7:45 a.m. as I sit down to write this, and if I left now I could be there by 9:15 (Saturday’s Insane Statement No. 1).

If you’ve read Thursday night’s post (which hit the Internet just before midnight, another sign of my weakened mental condition), you know that I have been battling an “insanity pod” – trying to bring some measure of balance back to my life (if I ever possessed any such thing) – by eliminating things from my schedule, even those things that make me seem even more insane for skipping.

You see, Beth Moore is speaking at Verizon Arena in NLR this weekend, and I had bought my ticket several weeks ago, as soon as I heard about the event.

Beth Moore is, in my opinion, the best women’s Bible study teacher – dare I say women’s teacher, period – of our generation. (Oprah might think she herself is the best teacher of women, but Oprah would be wrong; she may mention “Jesus” every once in a while, but it’s not the same Jesus that Beth Moore talks about.)

I had been looking forward to seeing Beth (yeah, we’re on a first-name basis) live for so long it was killing me. My church here in Batesville had hosted one of her Living Proof Live global simulcasts last summer, and it was amazing (of course). We ladies talked that day of wishing we could attend a live Beth Moore event (several in the gathering that day already had). So when I heard the announcement about this weekend’s event, I wasted no time in registering.

In case you’re unfamiliar with her, in women’s Christian circles the name “Beth Moore” is like the name “Billy Graham” is to the world at large. Most church women you meet, young or old, are gonna know her name and have attended at least one of her Bible studies. Men don’t necessarily “get” her, but women love her.

I became familiar with Beth perhaps 10 years ago when “my other Fellowship” – Fellowship Bible Church of North Little Rock – did one of her studies, Living Free. With the first study, I was hooked. Fellowship North has since hosted many Beth Moore Bible studies, and I could name you my favorites, but I’ll save that for a later conversation.

I believe Beth is so popular for many reasons, but here are the main ones:

  • Her depth of insight into human nature and human character, partly because of where God has brought her from personally.
  • Her depth of study of the Scriptures, including the history of biblical terminology and concepts.
  • Her willingness to share the ugliness of her past with those she teaches. By the same token, she is willing to share the ugliness of her present with us. While there is a temptation to paint her as a saint, she would be the first to tell you she isn’t. She is a sinner saved by grace, just like the rest of us who have called on the name of Jesus for salvation. And we all have ugliness that makes us need Jesus on a minute-by-minute basis. (If you don’t think you do, you’re in denial and we should talk.)
  • She makes the Bible come alive. Her sanguine personality is a big part of that, but I think the more profound reasons are 1) the digging she does into the historical texts, through exhaustive research and study; 2) the fact that she has struggled with so many of the same issues we all struggle with, and then some; and 3) she loves Jesus from the depths of her soul.

It’s that last part that resonates with so many. Beth Moore loves Jesus. If you doubt it, just listen to her for 60 seconds and you’ll likely hear her say it, in so many words. It oozes out her pores.

So I am sitting here on Saturday morning wishing I were back at Verizon Arena, listening to awesome praise music and drinking in Part 2 of her message.

I was there last night for Part 1, knowing I was coming home afterward instead of spending the night with the rest of our group. It killed me to leave, but I was so tired by that point (mentally and physically) it was the only rational thing to do. Or so I thought.

Here is where I confess, and what brings me to tears: My decision not to stay to the end of the conference was based on human logic, not prayerful consideration.

What’s ironic is that human logic is what brought me to this place of imbalance in the first place. Not giving God the time of day, most days, is where my train began running off the tracks.

But let me back up a few days:

Wednesday night I was writing a Suzy & Spice blog post and getting ready to edit the church’s Connect+Scripture blog post before finishing our tax return so I could know how much money we needed to borrow to pay the IRS (our bill is big this year, for a variety of reasons, hence the delay in filing). My mother knocked on the door; she had just gotten out of church and thought she’d swing by to see us.

I didn’t even have time to talk to her. I sort of talked to her, but I was doing “computer things” the whole time she was here. She didn’t stay long, and I felt so guilty. I apologized then, and again the next day, and again yesterday. I also told her to read Thursday’s blog post, which I wrote as a result of this encounter. Or I should say the encounter was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

For it was then that I realized, for sure, that something had to give. And the fact that my mother was the one I had “given up” did not make me happy. When something has to give, your family should not even be on the list.

Mom  and the rest of my family have been the ones to suffer from my imbalanced life for a long time.

My rational self is the one that says things like “I have to go to school because of A, B and C” (those reasons are for another post) or “When we sell the North Little Rock house, X, Y and Z will change and I will have more time” or “I committed to this, and I can’t quit.”

My tendency to overcommit is what will end up killing me someday, if my family doesn’t murder me first.

So in Thursday’s post I talked about the insanity of imbalance. I mentioned needing to take things off my calendar, even things that were seemingly important. (I was thinking specifically of the Beth Moore event.)

My human logic said, “Girl, you’re going to die, or alienate your family, or get fired from your job if you don’t start whittling down your to-do list.”

So the calendar items started dropping like flies, even the one event I had waited so long for. I almost skipped it entirely, but I knew I had to go at least for part of the weekend.

There is another (also stress-related) reason I decided to experience only half of the weekend, and telling you would reveal an unflattering part of me that I’m not ready to share this morning – partly because it’s a long story; you need background info before you judge me too harshly 🙂 and this post is too long already!

A huge irony of this story is that Beth Moore talked about excellence last night – how we need to order our schedules and commitments wisely because “we cannot do a thousand things to the glory of God.” That sentence almost made me weep. It also prompted Kristi to reach across another friend, grab my arm and ask, “Did she consult with you before she wrote this?” (or words to that effect).

Beth’s challenge to us last night was to figure out what God has called us to do (“adopt a succinct life goal”), acquire the appropriate tools to fulfill it (Bible commentaries and concordances, for instance), “endure the hard for the sake of the good” (I’ll expand on that later) and embrace community. (Kristi has been instructed to take good notes for me today so I can hear the rest of the message.)

In the next few days, I’ll share more of what I learned last night, but here’s the challenge I want to leave you to ponder with me, for as long as it takes to discover the answer:

“What would it take to be excellent at what God has called you to do?”

Please share your thoughts by posting a comment.